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The Bridesmaid Award

Karl Malone, always a bridesmaid and never a bride

The AL Cy Young, or as I’m deeming it this season, the Bridesmaid award.  I’m calling it the Bridesmaid Award because, let’s be honest, the best pitchers in the world are all in the NL right now.  Of the active players with a Cy Young 7 are in the NL and 5 are in the AL.  However the NL has 10 Cy Young Awards in the league and the AL has 5.  Further, only 2 in the AL are owned by legitimate contenders, C.C. Sabathia and Felix Hernandez.  The other 3 are owned by Bartolo Colon, Jake Peavy and Brandon Webb.  Colon looked decent this spring, but hasn’t pitched in a while and didn’t make the Yankees rotation.  Also he’s fat.  Peavy is still a dangerous pitcher, and a great singer, however he has really struggled with injuries for a few years now and again has found himself on the DL to start the year.  Finally the other Cy Young Award winner in the league is Brandon Webb who had major surgery on his pitching shoulder in 2009 and is just now starting to make his way back.  I think of these three Webb may have the highest upside because his pitching relies little on power and more on precision and downward movement.  However it still baffles me how a guy can lead the league in walks one year then shave 60 walks off that total by the next season.

Anyways, this is not to say there aren’t good pitchers in the AL, however I am saying that the most highly acclaimed pitchers are now in the NL.  Oh yeah, and there’s something else about those Junior Circuit lineups, they’re not friendly.  So who’s going to win the Bridesmaid Award this year as the MLB’s second best pitcher?   One important discrepancy about this award, as opposed to the MVP is that recent years have shown us you do not have to be on a top tier ballclub to win the award.  So long as your numbers stack up, you can win this award.  I think this is a beautiful thing, it is the one award in sports where individual performance truly rules.  With that, on to the candidates!

First, C.C. Sabathia and Felix Hernandez, the two past winners.  C.C., as always is a contender because the man as much with his balls as he does with his brain.  And he is a genius on the mound.  As much as I hate the Yankees, and I hate the Yankees like the University of Colorado hates class. I really believe they draw their diplomas in crayon and hemp at that sucktard institution.  Anyways as much as I hate the Yankees I love watching C.C. pitch.  C.C. could give up 15 unearned in the first and I still think he would grit his teeth and get through 7.  Because the Yankees are so talented offensively and C.C. has so much grit, he will win a lot of games regardless of how he pitches.  The one thing that worries me about C.C. is it looks like his velocity may be down (which is probably because he throws about 500 innings a year).  Without velocity he will have to be a lot better on the inner half to righties with his fastball and his changeup has to have better location this year.  I love C.C. but I’m not sure he will be the guy this year.  As for King Felix, the dude can pitch.  He may be the best pitcher in the bigs right now which is really saying something considering the talent on the bump at this point.  King Felix throws a fastball that pops and a slider that runs away from righties like Yoshi after Mario gets hit.  He is dominant.  I think he has a real chance to repeat, however it will take an absolute freak of a year.  He is going to lose games because of his bullpen, and because his team scores about as often as a hardcore star wars fan. I love both these pitchers, but I worry about C.C. getting through a whole year without being touched up, and King Felix being as perfect as he was last year.

The next pair are both lefties from the A.L East.  Jon Lester is a guy who will win a lot of games this year and has the type of stuff that can beat anyone.  Now let me be frank, I am biased, I hate Jon Lester.  When I hate an athlete it generally has nothing to do with what they do off the field, they may very well be the greatest guy in the world (and I think Lester may be a great dude), but what they do on the field, and this fucker no-hit the Royals.  What you think you’ve accomplished something?  Yeah you beat cancer and no-hit a Major League ballclub, but what did you really accomplish?  Anyways, I think he has a legit shot, and he will probably win it just to spite my dumb ass, but I’m not picking him and I want it to be clear it’s strictly because I hate him (as a baseballer).  The other lefty out of the A.L East is David Price.  This kid can deal.  He is the type of guy the can win 20 games on a team that wins 22 all year.  He’s that kind of talented.  I can’t find a link for this, but from watching Price, the kid throws everything from the same arm slot and it can move any direction at any speed he desires a lot like Roy Halladay.  It amazes me watching him.  However, sometimes he struggles getting the ball down, and in the A.L East that is a huge problem.  The Red Sox, Yankees, Blue Jays, and Orioles will probably all be in the top 10 in home runs this year, and that is a huge problem for a guy who leaves pitches up.  For that reason I don’t think Price will be our Bridesmaid of the Year either.

A couple sleepers I want to bring up are Brett Anderson and Francisco Liriano.  Last year Anderson only started 19 games but was brilliant. I don’t think he will have what it takes to win it, but the Vegas odds should be such that putting money on him may pay off.  Liriano is a guy we know has freaky weird stuff.  He is essentially C.C. Sabathia without a weight problem.  Liriano throws a slider that disappears like virginity around a D1 football player.  He’s the type of guy that may have a 20-6 year, or have a 15-12 year, he is pretty unpredictable.  However I have a lot of faith in his ability and think he may be around at the end when the votes come in.

Now my winner.  I genuinely believe Trevor Cahill from the Oakland A’s will win the Bridesmaid Award this year.  Truthfully I think he may be good enough not even to be a bridesmaid, he may just be the best. Cahill can deal, and he’s on a staff that won’t blow games for him.  On top of that he plays in a park where home runs are difficult to come by and on a team that may become the darlings in the Majors this year as they will overachieve because of their pitching.  On top of all the great stuff he has on the hill, he is also somehow related to Assistant District Attorney Alex Cahill, which means he is somehow an in-law of Cordell Walker, America’s greatest man. Thus because of his pitching ability and his being related to Walker Texas Ranger, I am picking Trevor Cahill to be win this year’s Bridesmaid Award, a.k.a the A.L Cy Young.

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  1. Alexia
    April 2, 2011 at 7:43 am

    I love your reasoning for choosing Cahill. You can never go wrong with Walker, Texas Ranger 🙂

  2. NB
    April 3, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    I agree, I have a lot of faith in a man that is the best at everything. However, if Walker history serves, Trevor may be kidnapped or taken hostage at some point in the year.

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