Home > Opinion > I declare umbrage!

I declare umbrage!

The belly generates the power

Now I’m indifferent towards the Dodgers, but in watching the Dodgers/Giants game tonight I did have an issue with Jonathan Broxton.  Now I can’t confirm my issue is actually with Jonathan Broxton, or with the Dodgers PA people, but there is definitely an issue.  When Broxton came into the game to start the ninth, the PA played Iron Man by Black Sabbath a great song, a classic if you will, but is it really fitting?  A lot of songs don’t really say anything other than well that guy’s a douchebag (like Josh Beckett’s Nickelback), that guy’s a jackass (Chase Utley’s Vengaboys), or that guy is kinda awesome (Craig Counsell).  Also, just for the record, I use jackass as a term of endearment, all of my friend’s are jackasses, so I mean no harm by that term.  However, some songs say a little more, specifically about the type of player you may be.  Iron Man is one of these songs.  Iron Man is reserved for people like Cal Ripken who played day in-day out without question or Pete Rose who played the game like his legs may be broken for gambling debts if he didn’t go first to third on a base hit in the eighth inning down by 14 runs.  Iron Man speaks to the type of player you are, Jonathan Broxton, a good closer, maybe, but not an Iron Man.

Lets start at the top.  Build.  Broxton is anything but an iron man when it comes to build.  He is listed at 300 pounds and probably has never been described as having an “iron-like” physique.  Better terms may be “pudgy,” “doughy,” or “a touch overweight.”  Maybe this would be a little more fitting.  Another major implication of the song is consistency.  Now one thing Broxton does have going for him is the fact that he does seem to stay healthy.   The kid is strong as an ox, and could probably do a decent job of keeping other giant men out of a backfield.  However, consistency is more than just not being hurt for a period of time.  Consistency implies they want you out there every time.  Broxton is a thrower, not a pitcher.  Sometimes he throws well, sometimes he throws badly.  You watch Broxton and you wonder if he really has any idea where the ball is going at any point during his delivery.  In his 3 years as a closer he has blown 3 touchdowns worth of saves (with the extra points). He is not a model of consistency on the bump.  I’m sure Broxton could find much more suitable songs, and I expect something awesome from a man with such great facial hair.  The Giants staff has set the bar pretty high for pitchers with great facial hair (WilsonJump Around and Zito rocking Daft Punk, Passion Pit and now a different song every start) and I think Broxton can learn a lot from these guys.  They don’t try to arrogantly push their self-perceived talents upon you, rather they just show off the fact they are awesome dudes.

So with that I declare that I take umbrage with Jonathan Broxton’s song selection, and I demand (with no authority to do so) a change.

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  1. Layken
    April 4, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Agreed…. I think this has been his grand entrance for a while and it was never fitting, no matter the level of potential muskrat he is sporting. However,let’s consider this… maybe he is truly ready to “Seek his Vengeance” after failing at life last season?

  2. NB
    April 9, 2011 at 6:45 am

    I just thought of one…..maybe if he wants his song to project something about himself he should go with “Buffalo Soldier.” You know, because he’s fat.

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