Author Archive

This is an outdated post

July 11, 2011 1 comment

It's beautiful, I've heard a butterfly comes out of a cocoon every time he touches a bat.

Ken Griffey Junior.  About a week ago I was at a bar and I saw a program on FSN called “The Top 50 Collisions in Baseball History,” really an enjoyable program aside from one glaring, disgusting error.  One of their greatest collisions was Ken Griffey Junior making Willie Mays look like Scotty Smalls catching a ball against the centerfield wall at the King Dome and breaking his wrist.  I hadn’t yet had my first beer, but I went to the bathroom and vomited.  I remember watching that live.  That was the day that the best baseball player that ever lived shat upon his legacy.

Read more…

Pulling a Mike Cameron

July 10, 2011 Leave a comment

One of these guys made the most famous comeback of all time, the other nobody understands how he keeps coming back. Up to you to figure it out.

This blog died for a bit (along with my laptop) but I’m going to attempt to bring it back from the dead, much like my favorite movie genre (Zombie flicks).  For those who don’t know I had a laptop die on me and when I got it back I neglected to continue writing, but through some very influential requests I’m going to re-begin KillWhiteyHerzog at the All-Star break.  The first posts will be about how horribly misguided all my efforts were to pick the winners of various awards, and some seriously pumped writing about a Cubs fan enjoying the Pirates making the others from the NL Central shake in their boots.  I apologize about the break, especially during a critical time , but the second half this blog will bring very minimal insights and  hopefully some humor to anyone ridiculous enough to waste time reading.  Thank you and Best,


Categories: Opinion

The Milton Bradley Award

April 11, 2011 Leave a comment

He's an asshole...

Every year in every sport people rise above the cream of the crop and become the new favorites in a sport, and others show their true colors and become the newest Milton Bradley in their respective league.  Now it takes quite a bit to reach Milton’s level, but there are some guys on the Junior circuit who may be big enough closet assholes to come out and win this award.  Now for me to pick this I’m probably going to pick someone I just effing hate, see Ozzie Guillen, but to truly win it you have to be hated for good reason, and generally hold your team’s head under water as though you’re baptizing them.

Read more…

Just Kill Me Now

April 8, 2011 5 comments

Best Rivarly Ever!

Here’s a riddle, how do you take the best thing ever, and make it the worst?  Add the Yankees and the Red Sox.  Is there anything more overplayed than this horribly overrated rivalry?  This rivalry is as overrated as having babies.  Did you know that you don’t get to copulate any further once that happens, and after you have to raise a little asshole version of you?   It’s the second worst, behind Red Sox-Yankees.  Every year baseball is infested by morons from outside the sport talking about how great these 7 hour slap fights are.  How can so many people think this is a great rivalry?

Read more…

The New Guys

April 7, 2011 Leave a comment

Injured this year, maybe next year's breakout

The Junior Circuit is a place where a breakout player is a difficult thing to find.   A majority of the good teams in the AL revamp rosters through their George Costanza size wallets rather than by calling on youth like the pop industry.  Most of the studs on the Junior Circuit have more gray hair on their balls than the passengers of an Alaskan cruise. However there are young players in the AL that could make a huge mark this year, and could be on their way to stardom by the end of 2011.  Last year Neftali Feliz, closer for the Rangers, won the Rookie of the Year, however we are choosing to avoid the rookie of the year status because we don’t want to do any research so we are trying to pick a breakout player.  My crop involves a couple potential ROY’s and a couple guys who have been up, but may be in for a bigger year than in years past.

Read more…

I declare umbrage!

April 4, 2011 2 comments

The belly generates the power

Now I’m indifferent towards the Dodgers, but in watching the Dodgers/Giants game tonight I did have an issue with Jonathan Broxton.  Now I can’t confirm my issue is actually with Jonathan Broxton, or with the Dodgers PA people, but there is definitely an issue.  When Broxton came into the game to start the ninth, the PA played Iron Man by Black Sabbath a great song, a classic if you will, but is it really fitting?  A lot of songs don’t really say anything other than well that guy’s a douchebag (like Josh Beckett’s Nickelback), that guy’s a jackass (Chase Utley’s Vengaboys), or that guy is kinda awesome (Craig Counsell).  Also, just for the record, I use jackass as a term of endearment, all of my friend’s are jackasses, so I mean no harm by that term.  However, some songs say a little more, specifically about the type of player you may be.  Iron Man is one of these songs.  Iron Man is reserved for people like Cal Ripken who played day in-day out without question or Pete Rose who played the game like his legs may be broken for gambling debts if he didn’t go first to third on a base hit in the eighth inning down by 14 runs.  Iron Man speaks to the type of player you are, Jonathan Broxton, a good closer, maybe, but not an Iron Man.

Read more…

The Bridesmaid Award

April 1, 2011 2 comments

Karl Malone, always a bridesmaid and never a bride

The AL Cy Young, or as I’m deeming it this season, the Bridesmaid award.  I’m calling it the Bridesmaid Award because, let’s be honest, the best pitchers in the world are all in the NL right now.  Of the active players with a Cy Young 7 are in the NL and 5 are in the AL.  However the NL has 10 Cy Young Awards in the league and the AL has 5.  Further, only 2 in the AL are owned by legitimate contenders, C.C. Sabathia and Felix Hernandez.  The other 3 are owned by Bartolo Colon, Jake Peavy and Brandon Webb.  Colon looked decent this spring, but hasn’t pitched in a while and didn’t make the Yankees rotation.  Also he’s fat.  Peavy is still a dangerous pitcher, and a great singer, however he has really struggled with injuries for a few years now and again has found himself on the DL to start the year.  Finally the other Cy Young Award winner in the league is Brandon Webb who had major surgery on his pitching shoulder in 2009 and is just now starting to make his way back.  I think of these three Webb may have the highest upside because his pitching relies little on power and more on precision and downward movement.  However it still baffles me how a guy can lead the league in walks one year then shave 60 walks off that total by the next season.

Anyways, this is not to say there aren’t good pitchers in the AL, however I am saying that the most highly acclaimed pitchers are now in the NL.  Oh yeah, and there’s something else about those Junior Circuit lineups, they’re not friendly.  So who’s going to win the Bridesmaid Award this year as the MLB’s second best pitcher?   Read more…